FReak Etiquette


Wear what you want of course but here’s some simple pointers with applied basic common sense in order to look great and maintain public harmony on the beach.
Grooming – For first timers, DO NOT USE YOUR RAZOR!   It will take your skin a little time to condition itself for that close of a trim.  It took me at least a month of bodygrooming to stop getting razor burns.  Your best bet is to buy an electric trimmer, shower, and then groom. No reason shave your legs completely, just us a 1 guard and fade the cut from your thighs down from your hips. 

Tanning – Having a good tan is something that every Caucasion male or female strives to attain and gaze in envy of Italians or Latinos. Some take the fake-n-bake route which is their perogotive, but I personally wouldn’t want to look like a baseball glove at 45. If you want to run around the beach in a brief, trust me you’ll get all the UV rays you can handle.

Sunless tanning is ok, but it might be a good idea to have someone assist. Unless you’re a contortionist, there are just some areas of the back you just can’t reach. If you’re in a hurry and going on vacation, spend the $50 and get an airbrushed tan right before you go. It’ll last a week or so and no one will notice because you’re on vacation.

My personal choice is using daily moisturizers that give you a sun-kissed appearance year-round. So whenever the opportunity surfaces to hit the beach or pool, I won’t look like a ghost wearing a rubber band.

Pick a Suit for your body type –

  1. Tall & Lanky – These guys suck because they can wear everything without any issues.
  2. Tall & Wide – Squarecuts and Briefs fit the frame best.
  3. Average – Briefs or Bikinis no problem
  4. Short & Skinny – Bikini’s all day
  5. Short & Wide – Brief’s

Environment – As I mentioned before, use simple common sense by being aware of the beach environment before choosing what to wear. The purpose of positively altering the perceptions of mainstream society is to be tactful, especially when kids are present.
As a father to a little girl, even I wouldn’t feel comfortable with a man or woman in a thong plopping down beside us in the sand no matter how good they looked. There are plenty of adult-oriented areas on beaches to push exposure-envelope. So do some homework and seek them out. A good rule thumb is if you see lots of sand pails and red wagons, stick to a Squarecut or brief with moderate back coverage.  Most cruises that I have been on offered adults-only pools or remote areas of the ship where mature attire is acceptable.

Confidence – it’s a no-brainer, so strut down the beach with your head high knowing that you look great.

Other than that…wear what feels good, keep some regular shorts handy, and have fun!

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